Instances of Dumb People!!!

Dumb Stupid Dumb...

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again...same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

................They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.

I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free" She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.

................They Walk Among Us and Many Work R etail.

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"

................They Walk Among Us!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with that stuff."

................They Walk Among Us!!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

................They Walk Among Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

................They Walk Among Us!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

................They Walk Among Us!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smile d and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"

................They Walk Among Us!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

................Yep, They Walk Among Us!

They Walk Among Us, AND they reproduce, and WORST OF
ALL...................................they VOTE!

A bit about Gun Control

I thought this clip was too funny not to post! This kid is packing heat!!!

Thanks to Lowell Murray for forwarding it to me!

Country Technology

DOUBLE CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO SEE IT FULL SIZE!!!!

Tick Warning

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally... but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up.

DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!!

They only want to see you naked.

Skinny Moose Media - Redneck Waltz

Skinny Moose Media - MOOSE BALL

The Real Reason for Global Warming

The real reason for global warming!



This is meant to be funny.(Heck, IT IS FUNNY!)

Rules to Enter Iowa!!!

Rules to Enter Iowa:
Applies to each person as they enter Iowa.
(Unknown Author) Remember this is comedy have a sense of humor!!!!!!!

Learn & remember:

East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
Pull your droopy pants up.
You look like an idiot.
Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

They are cattle & feed lots.
That's what they smell like to you.
They smell like money to us.
Get over it.
Don't like it?
I-80 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south.
Pick one.

So you have a $60,000 car.
We're not impressed.
We have $200,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

So every person in every pickup waves.
It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.

If that cell phone rings while a bunch of pheasants are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

Yeah, we eat catfish.
You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.

The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

We open doors for women.
That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce.

Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Malibu call that stuff you eat... It AINT REAL Maid-Rites !! Maid-Rites were born and bred in Iowa .... and real Maid-Rites never met ground turkey!

You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

The "Hawkeyes", "Cyclones" and "Panthers" and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

Yeah, we have golf courses.
But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

Colleges? Try Iowa City, Ames, Des Moines, Cedar Falls, or a bunch of others. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

Our state is home to "The Big Three, " so if you feel inclined to flip the bird to one of us in the state of Iowa, you'll get your happy, eastern or Californian fat ass whipped by the best

"Mud" is a paint color for trucks in Iowa.

Those people you see waving to eachother in trucks? They know what 2wd, 4-hi, and 4-lo stand for. And they know how to use it.

Beer and a bonfire is more fun than your frat party, pretty boy.

We grow corn, not potatoes, get it straight.

Vacation means driving through the Amanas or going to Adventureland

Your from Iowa if:

Down South to you means Missouri
You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Moines"
You know the answer to the question, :"Is this Heaven?"
You know where all the Yoders live (or Andersons, or Van den Bergs)
You know what "hawks" and "clones" are
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
You can locate Iowa on the map
You've ever been on a "Geode Hunt"
Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and is accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice
You say "catty-wampus" instead of "kitty-corner"
You've never taken public transportation
You have boiled fish in lye for Christmas
You know what "uff-da" means and how to use it properly
You know what "Amish Country" is
The only reason you go to Wisconsin or Missouri is to get fireworks
You know exactly where "Field of Dreams" was filmed
When someone says they are going out for dinner or supper, you know which meal they are talking about.
You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon.
You think of the major food groups as deer meat, beer, corn, and soy nuts.
You're pulled over and asked by the cop, "Had a little to much to drink, (your first name here)?
You own the complete "Dukes of Hazzard" video collection.
"Hick" is a style of clothing.
You can use the words, 'crik', 'holler', and 'skunk weed' in the same sentence.
Your Christmas gift, when you were ten years old was a shotgun (a BB gun if you were a 'townie').
You know someone personally who is involved in meth trade or manufacture.
Your idea of a party is throwing cans of WD40 in a campfire while you're drunk.
You've been to a rave in a barn.
You've had sex in the back of a truck ... amid cows.
You know that cows don't sleep standing up.
You're concerned about the rates of corn growth in Illinois as compared to that of Iowa's.
You listen to Ag Day at 6AM ... two hours after you get up in the morning.
You believe that trees in Iowa lean towards Nebraska ... because Nebraska sucks!
You know several people who still refer to Japanese cars as "rice-burners."
"Styx" plays a concert at the county fair, and people actually show up.
You don't get nervous when you walk into a biker bar (unless you're an Iowa City cop).
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches
You know several people who have hit a deer - more than once.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
You see people wear bib overalls to funerals.
You carry jumper cables in your car... and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction & DAMN HOT!
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
Down South to you means Missouri.
East to you means Illinois.
A brat is something you eat.
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
You go out to a tail gate party every Saturday.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors because your fire works melted.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly."
You've never met any celebrities.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
You've seen all the biggest bands... ten years after they were popular.
Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
You install security lights on your house and garage - and leave both unlocked.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
All festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, Mt. Dew, and Jell-O with marshmallows.
You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is.
You own only three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
You think deer season is a national holiday.
When u walk in to a bar in iowa, u better be ordering beer, and not some fruit trypical drink.
We chew, big deal, u better just hope ur not in our spitting line when we do spit

Funny take on the History of the World

History of the World
BY THE WAY THIS IS COMEDY... IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR DON'T CONTINUE READING
(UNKNOWN AUTHOR)

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

The worlds greatest deer blind! A good dose of comedy